See You In Hell

We lost another bad one today. Poor Jerry Falwell has passed on to the eternal damnation and hell-fire that he believed in. If each person had a personal hell I think Jerry's arrival might look something like this.

After his last heart beat, Jerry Falwell leaves the natural world.
He looks up and sees a bright light and a voice telling him to come into the light. "This is it," he tells himself, "This is what I have been preparing myself for all these years." 'Finally I can meet Jesus, Moses and the rest."
He walks into the light and comes out on the other side. Looking around he realizes that it isn't quite how he pictured it. "Where are the Pearly Gates" he thinks to himself. "Where is St. Peter?"
He begins to walk around to see what his environs are. He notices a lot of men, actually it is all men. "I knew it. Women are evil. They got us kicked out of Eden." The men around are all nicely dressed, many of them in suits and ties. "Not bad." He thinks to himself.
It isn't long until he decides to approach one of the men in a suit. Jerry Falwell walks up and introduces himself, "Hi, I'm Jerry Falwell." The man responds, "I know who you are. We've actually all been waiting for you. My name is Ron, I was a business man when I was alive." "Ooh, a capitalist, this place is right on." Falwell thinks to himself.
"A business man, what kind of business man?" Jerry probes. "Oh, I worked in the energy sector, you know, the extraction of resources from the ground." Ron informs him. At this point Falwell is almost beside himself.
Jerry decides to do a little more digging. "Were you into politics when you were alive?" Jerry asks. "You had to be when you were in my business." Ron answers. Falwell puts two and two together and asks the kicker, "You were a Republican weren't you?"
"Of course, we are all Republicans here." Ron tells him. "Sweet Hosannas, I knew it. Heaven is full of Republican men. All those Liberals, gays, feminists, the ACLU, pagans and abortionists are in hell just like I knew they would be."
Now Falwell is being moved to tears. He just can't believe that this place could be so perfect. All of a sudden he begins to hear the sound of rain and thunder. Next comes some sort of music, a beat and some backround music. It is getting louder. He begins to notice that all the men had stopped and have begun to look up. Just then he hears a women's voice, the voice of Martha Walsh. "This doesn't seem right." Falwell quietly and nervously thinks to himself.
Suddenly the voice becomes clear, "Hi - Hi! We're your Weather Girls, Ah-huh, And have we got news for you. You better listen! Get ready, all you lonely girls and leave those umbrellas at home." "Omigod no" Falwell says to himself in despair.
THe voice continues "Humidity is rising, Barometer's getting low." "No, no, no. This isn't happening." Falwell pleads. The voice comes back, "According to all sources, the street's the place to go." "But I prayed and followed so closely your teachings." Falwells thinks he says to Christ.
Martha's voice gets louder, "Cause tonight for the first time. Just about half-past ten"
He looks over at Ron but Ron no longer is wearing his suit. Instead he shed it for some pink hot pants, mesh shirt and a feather boa. "Ron, I thought you said you all were Republicans?" Jerry begs. "But we are Jerry, were Log Cabin Republicans." Jerry falls to the ground in tears, assumes the fetal position and begins to rock back and forth as the voice now booms, "For the first time in history It's gonna start raining men."
See you in Hell Falwell
Of course, this is Falwell's own personal hell.